Of Love…And Such

You are here by my side,

All the world is now a paradise,

And paradise like it always was.

The breeze, calm; the sky, bluer;

The grass, greener and the birds, merrier…

Has it always been such a sight! I wonder,

Was it always so gorgeous! I ponder…

I cannot think of an abode mieux,

Is it in your arms, or among this bliss!

I reckon this wasn’t so toujour!

I reason something evidently changed,

That the soul soars to great summits now,

It leaps and bounds with ecstasy –

Through meadows of realm and fantasy!

I cannot think of an abode mieux,

Is it in your arms, or among this bliss!

Exploring all without, I now turn within,

Look at that one apparition,

Who conjured up this vision!

I know her from memory,

Yet, she appears so unlike.

Those dark brown eyes,

Realize my entirety,

Those high held cheeks,

Complete my panorama,

Those subtle full lips,

Fulfill my language,

And that flowing black hair,

Adds grandeur to my demeanor!

What a haven have I found here,

This rendez-vous with an angel,

I cannot think of an abode mieux,

It is in your arms, and not among this bliss…

Mieux – better,

Rendez-vous – special meet,

Toujour – always.

My Muse – You’re Back, Or Are You…

It’s been so long since I first met you,

It’s been so long since the last!

There cannot be an excuse,

Nor any recompense at all;

All that’s left is regret - deep deep regret,

And regret shall it always remain…

 I was too naïve, and willfully let you go,

I was too selfish, and left you astray,

I was so high horsed, to leave you mid-way!

Then the agony began, and continues to burn…

After such a long time, after bearing so much,

You’re still there - a tiny little speck,

In my all-burnt heart - a tiny little amber,

Glowing in spite of you,

Among the ashes of stomped hope…

You’re still there,

Giving my cold heart

Some warmth among the ruins,

Yet a speckle of love, and a hope to live…

Tried a million times to snatch you off

This filth of a heart that I called mine,

And tried to make peace with nothing that I had,

Left all and sundry what never could be mine.

You managed to cling on and stay fixed as you were,

Giving warmth when needed,

Yet burning me alive…

I’m all but charred now,

None is left of me,

I’ll keep it simple now –

Please come back to me

If I am, yet a bleeding heart,

And if there’s nothing worth,

Torch the rest of me…

OMG!!! What a relief penning it down...

The Mind – An Ultimate Hustler

Emotions – It plays tricks on you,

Lets you think you are controlling It,

While all the while, It controls you.

You feel despair; you want things to better,

And while you’re busy at it, It makes matters worse,

For you cannot do good with filth on your mind,

You believe all the mess around, is others to blame,

While It lets you, do all the wrongs yourself.

You feel betrayed; you want your reprisal,

And while you devise your own rot,

It regales in your effort to con yourself!

For instead of trying to fathom the ‘WHY did he…?!’

You mull over the ‘HOW can I…!?’

You feel jealous; you want to see the other fall,

So while you plot to devour this other,

This demon-of-an-emotion butts right in,

And becomes the reason for all your doom.

For when you start to see others’ feats,

You fail to honor your own triumph.

You agonize; you want your devise to bear fruit,

And when they don’t, you bother,

You get all vexed and upset,

And then, resort to self-doubt and gloom,

For your troubled mind now can’t think straight,

And a troubled mind is best left alone.

Its strange how a thing so meek itself,

Has the power to bring down every mortal,

And yet knowing all these flaws in oneself,

One fails to subdue It in times of trial.

At the end, all there’s left to be said is,

‘You are a master of your actions and a slave of your thoughts,

You are the master of your brain but a slave of your heart…’

Afghani Blues

Those calm eyes, those thick brows,

That tanned skin and black hair,

With yellowing teeth and chipped nails,

Living petty lives in their petty kolbas

And seeing the slight world from their burkahs,

Carrying the weight of domination through centuries,

Yet meeting their stingy partner with unmoved resilience,

Bearing all the oppression with but not a modest grudge,

Such, are the beloved mothers of Afghanistan.

She serves her man with luscious food and spotless homes,

But does not complain when he batters her in vain,

She does not grudge his tantrums on direst issues,

And cleans up after him when he is done regaling friends,

She tries her best to quench his carnal needs,

But cannot say a word when he brings home another,

Such, are the beloved wives of Afghanistan.

Blessed are girls, who are slain at infancy,

They shall no longer have to face their ridiculed fate,

Of being deprived of the vast oceans of wisdom,

For they are curbed to learning dry household chores,

And handed broomsticks and needles before books and dolls…

Yet again, be sent off at adolescence,

Being expected to carry the liabilities of a woman,

With a stranger to a strange home in a strange land,

Such, are the beloved daughters of Afghanistan.

Yet composed, yet enduring, yet serene,

Their quiet smile is still a haven,

They look you in the eyes with no remorse,

They care for you like their own child,

They teach you the values of life,

Of the power of silence and control of the mind,

And having lived that scarce life for all its worth,

She passes on to far-flung reticence,

Such, are the women of Afghanistan.

These, and many such, are but small bits of Afghani Blues.

P.S. : Inspired by the novel ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hoseini.

The Circle of Adolescence

A few fixes where needed to get me fixed up, and thus has this piece been fixed…

This has been a full circle,

And now I stand just where I had been,

When without grasp and innocent to the core,

Now my archives are full with memoirs

That shall go with me to my grave.

This journey has been long,

And the pains and pleasures I’ve got along,

Has made a man out of the boy that I still was.

I am where I had been,

But the same place looks in me

With an aged eye and a wise heart.

Oh! This heart has borne to the brim,

And now, shall never falter,

Will never demean itself like it used to,

And bear in ridicule the mockery of age,

Will not bow to the filth undue its way,

And never crumble under the trample

Of the poisoned boon that is love.

Neither shall it succumb to unworldly delights,

Nor shall it lament the wrongs it was played against.

This here heart is seasoned now,

Is robust with begot vigor, but

Withered in all emotion.

This here heart is a castle now,

Where the greatest kingdoms of all shall reside,

With all to revel in and none to trade in,

This mannered spirit shall raze down to dust,

Any prowler who but glances this way.

I am just there, where I had been,

But the world seems so unlike,

I was just a teen then I believe,

What a journey this feeble soul has lasted!

That too naively so, only to learn,

And learnt is what it has done best…

My Vault, My Other

Brewing for a real long time this one…

‘You don’t miss, what you don’t have,’ they said,

Then why is your absence such a prominent presence?

And why does this heart ache for you so?

You may have been a brother, a sister even so,

A sibling for life is what I really desire,

It would have been such bliss now when I ponder,

Whoever you were, I wish you were here…

We would have shared volumes of episodes together,

Those are just locked up in my Vault now.

A hand to show me the right course,

A gesture that would make life a morsel easier,

A keen ear for my deepest emotions

And a shoulder when It would flood my heart.

Would have you to look up to when all went down,

But these too are just wishes in that Vault of Oblivion now…

You and I would have set the world in awe,

Would have never needed anyone else to be,

Now I’m scurrying alone with my lost self,

And have bruised every corner of it myself.

Have been wandering with my heart up front,

And handing it off to every stranger, in the hope for shelter.

All I got was betrayal and treachery,

I would’ve saved myself off all this misery,

If only you had been here with me…

You may feel that I’m blaming you for this dejection,

It is not that I haven’t tried otherwise,

It is that I have failed once too many.

And when I find not a name else,

My heart wants you to cover all the smother.

So I come back to you, my Nameless Other,

Trying my little best to air my despair.

And now that I think of it,

You and my Vault are but one and the same!

For what you should have been, you could not,

And what I want of you, you are not.

The least I could do to save you from Oblivion

Is to incarnate you as my blissful brother.

So let’s make peace with what little we have now,

And live happily, forever and ever…

  

P.S.: Understand the sarcasm towards the end.

Desolation

I know I’ve hurt you a lot,

I know I’ve made you weep and wish you were dead.

Alas, I know I’ve boasted how well I manage relationships.

Thank you for proving me wrong,

Thank you for letting me know where I stand,

I’ll never forget how much I owe u for that…

How could I be so naïve?

To think that I could live without you, how could I?

Me, always been a loner,

Never had a soul to share my feelings with,

And you came into my life, changed all that.

You showed me the thrill life has to offer,

And made me live it too!

We shared our exploits to no end,

You kindled the dead spirit in me,

Brought the child in me back to life…

Yet I, insensate enough to think so lowly of you,

So numb with my own vanity

To not see through your troubled heart,

How could I leave you then, when you were fighting between life and death?

And then come back so solemnly, when I needed you again.

Again, you there so unselfish

To accept me back in your life without malice,

And endure all my peevishness with no ill will at all.

I guess I had to live my sentence without you knowing any of it.

Strange that He has His own ways of making things right by Himself…

Coz now that you’re gone and so far away,

Coz now that I have no one else to turn to,

Coz now that your one time mentor needs your mentoring.

I feel so alienated in this all familiar world,

Strange… these human feelings I’m being subjected to now,

That I’m getting so restless,

That every thought of mine is in negation with my own beliefs,

That every notion my mind conjures up is evil fate for my beloved.

I don’t want this to be,

I don’t want this Satan in me to subdue my neat conscience

And create mayhem in my otherwise liberal mind.

The stars have always advised me against company

And the learned always bewared me the same,

Yet I realized it much too late,

And now do I have to face the consequences

And now do I play the blame game,

Knowing all the while – the victim of my wrongdoings,

Is none other than me myself.

Yet I blame for this as well,

What is it that divides me from compos mentis?

Why can’t I focus on doing the right stuff proper?

Instead of blaming my peers

For not watching my back.

I want this to change for the better,

I want to feel genuine satisfaction,

I want to be able to look myself in the mirror,

And not cringe in disgust,

I want to be able to look myself in the mirror one day,

And feel content with what I see…

The Moon - An Inspiration

The night was warm and heavy,

Monsoon clouds drifted in the gloomy sky,

Threatening the earth with sudden roars…

And here I lay on my bed,

Watching the moon, shine upon me.

How a thing so dull herself,

Shines tonight like the sun,

And how proudly does it show the world,

That all the light is all its own…

Yet it shines to light the sky,

Tearing apart the clouds on its way,

To make way for its rays tonight.

Here, with my father on my side,

I can’t help but think about his life,

And how his life has been one long struggle,

His very soul asking for rest every night.

He never had time to admire beauty

And feel the moonlight on his face.

His life was always a struggle, and struggle it still is…

I never wanted his life as mine,

He had never been my inspiration,

I was destined for something better,

And I believed in it strongly than ever.

For I always had a hungry heart,

Not wanting to rest till all was known,

While he feared what lay out there,

Always fearing to venture forth.

And so he remained a fish in the pond,

Made a world with what little he had.

Now with the moon shining upon me,

Is this an omen or my berserk imagination?

As I an optimist took it as a sign,

From the heavens that told me to lurch forward.

And lurch forward I did,

To seek a better world and with that a better life,

Giving my parent all the happiness he deserves,

And all that is overdue some forty years now…

NBH- Heaven in Seclusion

Those strange people,

With nervous faces

And hesitant eyes,

Those welcoming yet shy expressions

Of people from all around.

And then the coming together

Of all them minds at once,

That coming together slowly,

Of people with like minds...

Sharing those old school stories

With new found companions,

And comparing them with the present

Then regretting over it.

Yet accepting the present even so

As if we had an option you know.

And then those running around rooms;

Some chatting around, some lazying away

And some of them geeks already drowned in books...

Those rumours that surrounded the campus

Of holidays being cancelled and classes being dismissed,

Of DISCOs being called upon

And the Who’s Who of college.

Those interactions with the seniors

And then boasting of it in front of friends...

Those chats about the Girl’s Hostel

And its occupants occupying our minds,

Those midnight snacks in our hostel CCD,

And midnight cricket matches at the 6^th level.

Watching three movies back-to-back at night,

And snoozing away in classrooms the next day.

Those lying on the terrace at night with friends

And getting nostalgic with memories of the past,

Yet knowing they are just memories,

That never burn out but forever glow in our hearts.

And these and these are also memories

To experience once and relive forever.

Rendezvous with an Angel

Life is a boon with her by my side.

Such innocence, such elegance, what a grace!!

Shall I ever be able to possess such divine qualities,

Which she so easily flaunts? I wonder...

I force myself to keep distance, but at the end

It’s me who wants her ever more.        

Life is a gift with her by my side.

We talk about everything on earth,

Soon realizing, we haven’t talked anything at all.

And when its time to say goodbye,

Life seems just too unfair.

Life is a dream with her by my side.

She teaches me the virtues of being yet a child, and I,

Of adolescence to her.

I tease her for being innocent, yet, I am obsessed by it.

I felt happy possessing unworthy delights, but

She was the one to show me immortal happiness

Shall I ever be able to repay her? I guess not...

Life is a fairytale with her by my side.

She is a child for children, and an adolescent for adults,

Is that possible? I cannot imagine...

Friends tell me that something’s wrong with me,

For I always sport a smile,

How can I possibly explain them,

I also sport an angel in my life.

How can I ever thank her enough for coming in my life, and

Making it a bed of roses, how can I...

It was a surprise, and a good one at that,

Coz we met, and by Jove!

What a meet it was!

She is an oasis for the eye; a halo of simplicity surrounds her,

A wave of ecstasy sweeps as reality hits me,

We have finally met...

Life shall never be the same ever again,

And now I drool upon my fate, that I was bestowed

With such undeserving fortune,

And shudder at the thought of losing my precious possession.

Love grew, respect grew and so did our bond,

Future became fake without her,

Whatever may say the racists, the orthodox masses,

Togetherness shall prevail, reign forever

And merge with the heavenly abodes...

Agony of a Creator…

Through the smiles of my creator, I see

His pain n desire to love the creation,

Which he has found after the long lost

Years of separation...

Through the calm face of my creator, I can feel

The pain that stabs him when he thinks,

It will be time, soon, for his creation

To seek wisdom and knowledge and explore

The dark caverns of the unknown world,

With but little time for family...

Through the watery eyes of my creator, I can feel

The eternal pangs of separation that engulfs him

With the fear that his long lost happiness

Was so short lived...

He fears what the crude and rude world

Might have in store for his creation,

That he so delicately nurtured,

He fears that the rough hands of the

Merciless world might crush his soft

Blooming petals, and prevent him from

Seeing the world he so tirelessly

Decorated for him...

'We are not so selfish to keep you from

Exploring the world', he says, yet,

I can feel his heart exploding with the

Desire to keep me home.

Yet,

'Go', he says to his creation,’ and rule

The world like no other king ever dared.'

'Go', he says to his creation,’ and show

The world how little it knows of happiness...'